begin



og nå, for en ny begynnelse, det er begynnelsen på noe nytt, og noe nytt har begynt.
jeg kommer ut av skyggene, men skyggene vil ikke komme ut av meg, og det er en ny begynnelse, dobbelt betydning. 
forsterkning, back up, 
fordi jeg mener det ekstra mye eller fordi jeg trenger det ekstra mye. 
og vinden river og røsker, men du er jo her, du er jo her, nei, slik er det ikke i det hele tatt. for selv om du er her er det ikkenoe betryggende ved dét,
og vinden sliter, 
neida, 
joda, 
litt så,
jeg vil så gjerne tro at jeg står på en klippe i en raggete fille og skriker, 
eller det er helt stille, 
men verden vil ikke mer, i alle fall, jeg vil ikke mer, den tragiske heltinnen verden har gitt opp på,
nei, tvert imot, verden tror på henne, 
men det er så vanskelig, stryk det
vi har hørt det tusen ganger tusen, det er en historie så gammel og tørr som ørkenen, men jeg vil så gjerne
fortsette.
translation: a text about starting something new.

Like diamonds we are cut with our own dust, -john webster, the duchess of malfi

I don't know what to write this about. As I'm writing I am also listening to a radio-documentary on NRK; it's a Norwegian radio program about a man who finds himself sitting next to Harvey Keitel at a meditation seminar. But it's not, and I don't really understand it. That is okay. 

Trying to work, I like listening to Norwegian radio, especially documentaries. Half-listening, half-writing, it's sort of an interesting challenge to myself. 


As previously mentioned, I sowed a mask from lining, and now I'm beading it. Not very satisfied or happy with how it is so far. Perhaps the topic isn't very charged - I was beading my ex-boyfriends picture previously, and this face is anonymous. Do I really need an emotional investment to do this kind of work? Otherwise, they are just delicate and colorful little beads, very pretty and all.




A view of my studio, with stolen ropes and such, I'm thinking about webs and nets and ropes and that. I had a studio visit that was quite intense and long a few days ago, and he guessed that I was a pastor's daughter. I laughed and said no, but it's sort of accurate. Thinking about 'heavy' or, to me, very loaded and taboo-type topics is a release from the minute and obsessive work I usually do. It is to fall back on something, and then to fall back on something else, that happens, and it seems like a pendulum swinging back and forth between two 'extremes,' or something. 



Here are the drawings, now like little leaves. 





Will be transformed to three-dimensional forms, I think. 

On to Norwegian radio, and some or other form of sowing.

v. quick update: miscetyz


on things I'm working on. Namely, pulling the paper off of the cardboard, will try to sow some three-dimensional shapes over the next few days. I like that thought, of little cocoons with drawings hidden inside.


And making Araki's girls all webby and contoured. Addictive work.


Also sowing a mask out of some lining I bought the other day... Stay tuned, beading in progress.


And finally, about tying up one's breasts, my own linen, and below you can see the device with which this happens...


Enigmatic!

wheyy, I can bind my own toes! and hand-sow

Okay, I have been terrible at updating this, and writing in general. The days go by in a blur (and so on and so forth), and time is speeding up more and more. It is v. weird to think that I've now been in this program for almost one month, well, three weeks. What have I done so far? Not much, to be honest. Probably spent too much time on my computer. 

Which means I do "lots" of research!

Triplegangers by Lee Perry Smith; he works with 3D modeling and scanning, mainly for the adult entertainment industry. The interview is not that interesting in itself, more the idea of scanning our bodies to be used in cyberspace. That is probably already done, or at least I imagine it to, in very lifelike videogames, for example. I'd like to make an avatar of myself on the internet, so maybe I'll take up gaming too? (Research leads me to interesting places - I'm also planning to take a class in aerial silks)



I've drawn over the contour lines (?) with a normal pen. Reminds me of this, which I wrote about earlier:


From an exhibition at the Metropolitan Museum, which was very good. I think it was about men falling from the sky due to skin, The Fall of Man, or something of the sort.

I love the web over the skin, the web that is digital or made up or simply from drawing. Not sure why, it's just very attractive. An "invisible" web that encompasses me, like a digital cyberskin, veeery cool.

Since we're on the topic of cyberskin, here's an excerpt from The Melancholy of Mechagirl, by Catherynne M. Valente:

I mean yeah
My crystal fingers are laser-enabled
light comes out of me
like dawn. Bright orangecream
killpink
sizzling tangerine deathglitter. But what
does it mean? It this really
a retirement plan?
   All of us Company Girls
sitting in the company home
in our giant angular titanium suits
knitting tiny versions of our robot selves
playing poker with x-ray eyes
crushing the teakettle with hotlilac chromium fists
every day at 3?

It's from the first story, or part, which is called the same as the book/collection.
I like it a lot, because

paper
cyberskin
cybergirls
girls
ink
water
milk
lanterns
language
speaking/not-speaking
the font

And I can think about a lot of things which I didn't know I could think about. Hard to explain: why can't my artwork just be me reading from my favourite books? I'd enjoy it so much, and research would be a breeze (or just, breezier).

What else, what else have I done... Oh yes:

I made a "lantern" or a "shape" or something of the sort, out of a very nice material I found. It's lining for a fabric, but I like it on it's own - a lot like paper-fabric, fragile and fun to put in water and bead on. So not fragile after all. 



Is it a ghost? Who knows.

And some things I've seen which have been pretty interesting: 

Calligraphy in mud and wetness, footprints from lotsa people.

My foot, tied up? Not sure where this is going.

Will try to get back to more regular posts, it helps to keep me sane. Otherwise life is basically art, work out, art, work out, talk to someone, work out, etc.